How Do I Find the Right Couples Counselor?

A Couples Therapist in Loveland, Ohio Answers the Question Honestly

Searching for a couples counselor can feel overwhelming especially when you're already in the middle of a painful season in your relationship. You want someone who actually gets it. Someone who won't just nod and take notes, but who will help you and your partner find your way back to each other.

As a licensed professional counselor in Loveland, Ohio who specializes exclusively in couples and relationships, I hear this question a lot. From people who've tried therapy before without success, from couples who aren't sure they're "bad enough" to need help, and from couples who are genuinely unsure if they want to stay together at all. As a couples therapist who does this work every day, here's what I'd tell you.

1. Look for a Counselor Who Specializes in Couples — Not Just "Does" Couples

This is the most important thing I want you to know: listing couples counseling on a website is not the same as specializing in it. Many therapists are trained primarily in individual therapy. When a couple comes in, they apply individual therapy frameworks to a relational problem, and it often falls flat. Couples work requires a completely different skill set, different training, and a different way of thinking about problems.

Here are the questions you should actually ask a prospective counselor:

•       What percentage of your caseload is couples?

•       What specific training have you done in couples therapy and do you hold any

certifications in couples work?

•       How do you believe couples create lasting change?

A counselor who specializes in couples should be able to answer all three with confidence and specificity. I have completed Level 1 & 2 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Discernment Counseling Training through the Doherty Relational Institute, and am a SYMBIS Premarital Certified Facilitator. The right couples therapist shouldn’t just offer this service…they should love doing it.

2. Don't Wait Until Things Are at a Breaking Point

One of the most common patterns I see is couples waiting far too long. By the time they arrive in my office, resentment has built up over years, communication has broken down completely, and one or both partners may already be questioning whether the relationship can be saved.

Think of couples counseling like going to the dentist — regular maintenance is far easier than an emergency root canal.

The earlier you seek help, the more options you have and the faster you tend to see progress. If you're feeling disconnected, having the same arguments on repeat, or experiencing a slow emotional drift from your partner that's the right time to reach out. You don't need to be in crisis.

3. Understand the Difference Between Couples Therapy and Discernment Counseling

This is something most people have never heard of but it matters enormously.

Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners are committed to working on the relationship. It's designed to create change. But what happens when one partner is divorce uncertain and isn't sure they want to stay? What happens when one person has a foot out the door?

That's what Discernment Counseling is for. Developed by Dr. William Doherty at the Doherty Relationship Institute, it's a short, structured process (typically 1–5 sessions) designed not to fix the marriage, but to help both partners gain clarity and confidence about their next step — whether that's committing to couples therapy, separating, or taking some time to decide.

Discernment Counseling is for what are called mixed-agenda couples where one person is “leaning out” and the other is “leaning in." If a mixed-agenda couple jumps straight into traditional couples therapy, it almost never works. The ambivalent partner isn't bought in, and both people end up frustrated. If you're not sure whether your relationship is in a discernment situation or a couples therapy situation, that uncertainty itself is worth exploring. I can help you figure out which fits.

4. Find Someone Who Focuses on Patterns — Not Just Problems

Here's how I think about couples work: every couple has a dance. Over time, most couples develop repetitive patterns — the pursuer and the withdrawer, the one who explodes and the one who shuts down, the one who criticizes and the one who defends, one partner feels like the parent and the other feels like a teenager. These dances become more entrenched over time pulling partners further apart until one or both of you leave the dancefloor altogether. My job is to help you see the pattern or “the dance” that you've both been doing, often for years without realizing it and help you learn new steps. Better steps. Steps that keep you both on the dance floor together.

I work from a relational lens, which means I'm always focused on the interaction patterns between partners and teaching couples how to repair from conflict. Teaching couples how to naturally cycle through harmony, disharmony, and repair. Even when one partner is dealing with anxiety, depression, or a difficult personal history, I believe the relationship itself can be part of the healing.

5. What the First Sessions Actually Look Like

Starting couples counseling can feel vulnerable. Most people don't know what to expect. Here's what you can count on with me.

In our first sessions, I spend time hearing the story of your relationship and what drew you together, what the strengths have been, and where the pain points are. I'll ask about how you handle conflict, how you connect (or disconnect), and what you're each hoping for. There will also be individual check-ins built into the early process, because both partners deserve to feel fully heard. Together, we'll identify the interaction patterns that are getting in your way, set goals that are meaningful to both of you, and begin the work of building something more secure and satisfying.

Sessions are focused and structured. My role is to create a space that feels calm and safe where both partners can be honest without it spiraling into the same fight you have at home.

6. A Few Things Worth Knowing About My Approach

I came to this work because I believe deeply that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. I've been married for over 25 years. I know what it's like to go through difficult seasons in a marriage, to do the hard work of staying connected, and to come out the other side feeling more committed and more in love than before. That personal experience shapes everything about how I show up for couples. I've sat where you're sitting. That changes everything about how I show up.

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (MA, LPC). My specialized training includes Level 1 & 2 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Discernment Counseling through the Doherty Relationship Institute, and SYMBIS Premarital Certification for couples preparing for marriage.

I'm based in Loveland, Ohio and work with couples at all stages — dating, engaged, married, and those navigating a crossroads, including LGBTQ couples.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Whether you're looking to strengthen a good relationship, work through a painful one, or simply figure out what comes next I'd love to talk. Reach out to schedule a free consultation and we can figure out together whether couples therapy or discernment counseling is the right fit for you.

You deserve a relationship that feels good. Let's find your way back to each other.

— Located in Loveland, Ohio | Private Pay Practice | Serving Couples in the Greater Cincinnati Area